the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
