Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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