note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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