My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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