Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to calm my uterus...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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