Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
