Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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