last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
