I faked an abortion last night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
