im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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