we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
