Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
