just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize