Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
