she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
