Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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