The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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