I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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