I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He passed out mid-signature
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
