You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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