youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
