I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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