Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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