a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
