these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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