The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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