My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
