I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
