It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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