Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
