Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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