We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
