Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
