Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize