Kiss
Puke
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
