i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
