This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
