How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
