i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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