If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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