I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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