I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
