I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
