I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
