I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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