i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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