It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
