My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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