Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize