Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize