You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
