Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
