I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
