my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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