Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
