I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just cut my nipple shaving
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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