im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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