I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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