instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
