I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
