Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
