His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
