Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
