Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
