I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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