Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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