YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
