its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize