i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
