I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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