when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
did you just send me my own nude
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
