well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
